Архичины эхнэрийн хүүрнэл

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10 дугаар сарын 3. Бид хоёрын танилцсаны 8 жилийн ойн өдөр. Гэвч юун танилцсаны ойгоо дурсах… Сэтгэл хоосрон, толгой задрах мэт ангалзан, цээжин дотор гомдол ч юм уу, гутрал ч юм уу нэг л их хатуу юм зангирч байна. Одоо би чамд гомдохоо ч больчихож дээ. Зүгээр л залхаж байна. Энэ амьдралын цаг минут бүрээс би залхаж байна. Хоёр өдрийн турш сураггүй алга болчихоод, танилцсаныхаа ойн урд орой нь гэртээ ирж шөнөжин агсам тавьж цамнасан нөхрийнхөө тухай гэрэл гэгээтэй юу бодож чадах билээ? Гэрээс архины эхүүн нэгшмэл үнэр нилхийж, хагархай аяга шаазан хөглөрч. хивсны хуниранун дуй сундуй болсон өрөөнд чи урьд шөнө юу ч болоогүй юм шиг хурхиран унтана. Харин цурамхийх ч завдалгүй, хором бүрийг айдас, доромжлолын хүлээсэнд баглаатай зогсоогоороо шөнийг өнгөрөөсөн би хилийн зурвас дээрх харуулын цэрэг мэт ажил дээрээ бэлэн байхын тулд гэрээсээ гарах гэж байна. Би маш их ядарчээ. Яг үүнтэй ижилхэн, ширхэг солимгүй адилхан шөнөжин доромжлогдон, гутарч, гуньсан, биеэрээ чиний хүнд нударгын хөх эрээн ул мөр, сэтгэлдээ тэсвэрлэшгүй гуниг гомдлын хар мөр дүүрэн угтаж байсан, хараал идсэн өглөө миний амьдралд чухам хэд байсныг би тоолж чадахгүй нь. Тийм ээ, хараал идсэн олон олон өглөө. Ийм өглөе бүхэн сэтгэл салхийтэл гутарч, хичнээн удаа ч ингээд л үхчихье гэсэн бодол орж ирэв дээ. Хүн сэтгэлээр амьдардаг амьтан. Гэтэл ингэж их гомдож гутраад байхаар амьдрах хүсэл минь шуудай элс атга атгаар асгаран гоожсоор хоосрон шалчийх мэт унтран алга болсоор байна. Тэгээд орчлонгийн уудамд алсран одсоор дуусах тэр амьдрах хүслийн оронд үзэн ядахуйн сэтгэл өнөө шуудайг дүүргэсээр л. Тийм ээ, би амьдралыг үзэн ядаж байна.. Чи анх танилцсаныхаа 8 жилийн ойн өдрөө зоогийн газарт тэмдэглэнэ, намайг баярлуулж, миний ордын ээлтэй чулуу индранил шигтгээт бэлзэг бэлэглэнэ, дахин хэзээ ч гомдоохгүй гээд л ганцхан сарын өмнө надад ямар сайхан, сайхан юм амлаж байлаа даа.
… Гоожуураас эмтэрхий аягаар тосон авсан цэв хүйтэн усаар голоо дэвтээгээд би хувцаслаж эхэллээ, Хэзээ хаанаас худалдан авснаа мартчихсан хуучин туфлиэ углаад банзлынхаа хуниасыг толийлгон засав. Нүдэнд хургасан гашуун гуниг, амьдралыг үзэн ядахуйн хүйтэн туяаг дарах малгай минь хаачив? Хувцасны өлгүүрийн дээд тавиур дээрх малгайгаа авах гээд өнгийвөл мөрөөр часхийн хөндүүрлээд явчихлаа. Тэмтрэн үзвэл аягын чинээ овойж хавдаад алга дарам том хөх няц болчихож. Чамайг хүйтэн ус нэхэхэд архийг чинь гаргах санаатай халуун цай өгсөний төлөө “Заяагүй өлөгчин” гэсэн хараалын хамт гутлаар шидүүлсэний нотлох баримт үлдсэн нь энэ. Хүнд хатуу тэр гуталд нүүрээ оногдоогүйд би баярлаад өнгөрч билээ. Малгайгаа даран өмсөхөд хамаг хуйх хөндүүрлэн өвденө. Чамайг гарч явна гэж дайрахад “Битгий яваач” гэсэн намайг үсдэж “Чам шиг муухай ааштай гичий над хэрэггүй. Нөхөргүй хүүхнүүд ком комоороо хандарч байна. Чам шиг хормойгоо чирсэн юмыг нохойн гуяар даллаад олно” гээд хар тэнхээгээхээ түлхэхэд чиний гарт атга дүүрэн үс үлдсэн байсан. Одоо тэр их үс нөхөж ургах ч үгүй биз дээ. Бага хүүгээ төрүүлснээс хойш тэртэй тэргүй шингэрч яваа юм сан. За за, энэ тухай бодохгүй, туг тугаараа унаж ирэх үсээ малгай дороо нуугаад гаръя. Өглөөний тунгалаг, чийглэг, сэрүүн агаарт гараад цээж дүүрэн амьсгалав, Гэхдээ тэр сайхан агаарыг сороход цээж хөндүүрлэх нь хар дарсан зүүд шиг урд шөнийг сануулна. Өнгөрсөн шөнө хоёр хүүгээ ээжийнд аваачсан нь л зөв болж. Нялх амьтад corryy эцгээсээ айж бархиралдаад, үйлээ үзнэ. Ер нь ч тэгээд архичны хүүхдүүд согтуу эцгийнхээ гар хурууны үзүүрт өртөх магадлал тавин хувьтай л байдаг юм чинь. За за, еөр юм бодъё гэсэн ч бодол минь хагархай пянз шиг нэг л юмаа тойрон эргэх юм даа. Хажуугийн орцны Оюунаа нөхөртэйгээ сугадалцан мэндлээд зөрөв. Түүний жаргалтай инээмсэглэл нь намайг басамжлах шиг. Түүнд миний царай ямар муухай зэвхий харагдсан бол доо?
Энэ хүмүүс намайг шөнөжин санаанд багтамгүй доромжлол амсан, согтуу нөхрийнхөө гарын шүүсийг амсч өнгөрөөснийг гадарладаг болов уу? Яасан үйлтэй амьдрал вэ? Ажил, сургуульдаа яарсан хүмүүс, унаа тэрэг хөлхөлдөн шинэ өдөр эхэлж байдаг. Надад бол гаслант хар шөнийн үргэлжлэл гашуун зовлонт шинэ өдөр гэсэн үг. Гэрээсээ гараад гэлдэрсээр яамныхаа хаалгыг татах хүртэл шувт ийм хүнд бодолд дарагдсаар явлаа. Нойргүй, доромжлол, зодуур, харамсал, түгшүүр, горьдлого дунд аймшгийн киноны кадрууд шиг муу ёрын шөнийг өнгөрөөгөөд өглөө нь хүмүүстэй юу ч болоогүй юм шиг мэндийг нь мэдэн, худлаа ч гэсэн инээж хөхрөн ажлаа хийхийг оролдоно гэдэг хүний хэрээс хэтэрсэн их хүч тэсвэр тэвчээр шаардсэн жүжиглэл гэдгийг хэн ч мэдэхгүй ээ. Энэ бол тэнгэрийн цээрлэл, бурханы алдаа гэж би боддоп. Энэ бүх инээж хөхөрсөн, эсвэл хөмсөг зангидан цаас нухсан хүмүүс, хүснэгт дүүрэн тоо, нэгэн хэвийн ширээ сандал, ажил алба, амьдралын өмнө хүлээсэн хариуцлага , намайг хүрээлж байгаа юмсыг бүхэлд нь чөтгөр аваасай гэсэн бодол тархинд эргэлдэнэ. Тэгээд ажил, гэр, хүүхдүүд, архичин эр өнхөр энэ бүхнийг хоосон лааз шиг хөсөр хаячихаад хаа нэг тийш одож, хэн нэгэн өрөвчхөн сэтгэлтэнд зүрх, сэтгэл доторхио уудлан уудлан яримаар, орой тараад гэр рүүгээ биш хандсан зүгтээ арилаад өгмөөр санагдана. Тэгсэн мөрт гэртээ шал согтуу үлдсэн чамайг бодохгүй байж үл чадна. Гараад дахиад уучих вий, архины хордлогод орчих вий хэмээн сэтгэл мөнхед шаналаастай. Арай гэж ингэж тэгсээр үд өнгөрөөгөөд л даргадаа ямар нэгэн худал шалтаг хэлж чөлөө аваад гэр лүүгээ гарлаа. Замаараа талх авч нөгөө л замаараа, нөгөө л хүнд бодолдоо дарагдан гэрийн зүг, өөдгүй худалч, найгүй архичин чиний зүг алхаж явна. Түй. Өерийгөө хэзээ хэзээнээсээ илүү үзэн ядаж байна, би. Гутамшгаар дүүрсэн энэ амьдралаас яагаад би өөрөө улам улам чаргууцалдан зуурна вэ? Толгой өглөөнөөсөө илүү улам их ангалзан өвдөнө. Одоо гэрт ороход ямар дүр зураг угтах нь мэдээж.. Юу ярилцах нь Пифагорын теором шиг тов тодорхой. Би гэртээоруутчамд үглэнэ. Чи гэмшсэн царай гаргана. Ядаж ганц үг ганхийхгүй таг дуугай сууна. Хөндүүрлэж хөхөрсөн гараараа би бантангийн гурил үрнэ. Ёроолдоо түлэнхийрсэн бантанг чи ухаангүй халбагадна. Даргадаа би хүүхэд өвчтэй гэж хэлээд чөлөө авсан байдаг. Орц руугаа орж явтал чиний архины найз Цогтоо, Пандага хоёр шурдхийн зөрөв. Намайг эзгүйчилж чамайг уруу татах санаатай яваад тааралдчихсан бололтой. Өөдгүй шаарнууд. Нэр нь хүртэл Пандага байхдаа яахав дээ. Дургүй хүрч, үзэн ядах сэтгэл цээжинд үерлэсээр түлхүүрээ эргүүлж босгоо давлаа. Нохойн хороо болсон гэр орон. Чи хаанаас ч гаргаж ирсэн юм, дахиж нэг шил архи задлан талд нь хүртэл уугаад үлдсэнийг нь нуух аядсан бололтой орны араар тавьчихаад нам. Дахиад л согтуу. Яг энэ агшинд, тэр цонхон дээр харагдах төмөр индүүг шүүрч аваад энэ өрвийсөн толгойг нь хага цохичих юм сан гэж юутай их хүснэ вэ! Зүрх ёгхийгээд дэлсэж гарлаа. Өөрийн эрхгүй хөл нугаран өрөөний үүдэнд суун тусав. Тэгсгээд хоёр алхан буйданд хүрч тэсэлгүй асгаруулж гарлаа. Яасан үйлтэй амьдрал гээч вэ? Яасан дуусдаггүй зовлон бэ? Хүн шиг амьдрах заяа надад алга уу? Сайн сайхан амьдарч яваа хүмүүсээс би юугаараа дутуу юм бэ? Хүн жаргах гэж л амьдардаг биш юм уу? хэмээн орилж, хашгичиж гарлаа. Нэг харсан чи босоод зогсчихсон, согтуу нүдээ манантуулан -Хайрт минь уучил. Хөгшин чинь буруутай, буруутай… хэмээн үглэн зогсож байлаа. Нүд нь бүлцийж, үс нь халцархай гутлын сойз мэт өрвийжээ. Тэр гутлын сойз мэт үсийг зеөлөн торгон халимаг байхад би илж өхөөрддөггүй байсан гэж үү? Орос банш мэт бэлцийчихээд байгаа энэ согтуу нүд тэр нэгэн цагт гал цог, хайр энхрийллээр гэрэлтэж яваагүй гэж үү? Орчлонг эрхшээгч цаг хугацаа чи хичнээн хайр найргүй юм бэ? Тийм ээ, би энэ хүнд хайртай явсан. Хайр минь гал шиг шатаж зүрх сэтгэл хайлж явсаан. Одоо ч тэр хайрын галаасүлдсэн үнс нурмыг онгичих юм бол эргээд дүрэлзтэл асахад бэлэн гал халуун цучил бишгүй л үлдсэн бус уу? Тийм ээ, би энэ хүнд хайртай явсан, одоо ч хайртай. – Хайрт минь, бидний амьдрал юу болж байнаа. Өнөөдөр чинь бид хоёрын танилцсан өдөр биз дээ. Ер нь яах гэж чи бид хоёр танилцав даа. Талимаарсан харц солилцоод л зөрөн оддог амтат, бас алаг зүрх догдлуулсан агшин амьдралд алийг тэр гэхэв? Амьдрал болон цэцэглээгүй ч сэтгэл зүрхний гүнд ариун нандин дурсамж болон хоцорсон учрал байхгүй яав даа, бидэн хоёрын хайр. Бид хоёр тэврэлдэн уйлж байлаа. Архичин хүн худлаа уйлдгийг архичны эхнэр би сайн мэднэ. Харин чи тэр өдөр чин үнэнээсээ уйлж байсан. Минийхтэй нийлэн урсаж байсан тэр нулимс чиний зүрхний нулимс байсныг би мэдэрсээн. Бид хоёрын нулимс нийлээд дэндүү шорвог амтагдаж байсныг санана уу, чи? “Үүрд энэ хар усыг амсахаа больё. Одоо л чамайгаа жаргааж явъя” хэмээн чи тэгэхэд надад тангарагласан, Хэд хоног энэ минь нээрээ л хар уснаас гарах нь ээ гэсэн горьдлого төрүүлмээр байсаан. Гэвч…чи ганцхан сарын дараа Эрээн явах тасалбар авна гэж 25000 төгрөг авч гараад орой нь эргэж ирээгүй. Эцсийн найдвар горьдлого минь тас үсэрлээ. “Тэнд хүнээс менгө зээлж уугаад нам уначихсан байна гэнэ”, “Авгай өвчтэй эмнэлгийн сэхээнд байна гээд согтуу уйлж явна” гэсэн сураг дуулдсаар дөрөв дэх хоногийнхоо үүрээр чи ирлээ. Хаалгаа тайлахгүй байж би чадсангүй. Хонх чарлуулж, хаалга өшигчин:
“Болормаа, гичий минь хаалга тайл! Наадхи чинь миний гэр орон шүү хэмээн орцоор дүүрэн хашгичихад чинь хүүхдүүд сэрэн уйлалдав. – Хоол хийсэн үү, гичий минь. Чамайг аятайхан байхгүй бол цусыг чинь холино шүү. Үхсэндээ хаалга тайлж өгөхгүй удаад байсан п… вэ? гэсээр чи хаалгаар цухуйнгуут улансгасан дайрав. Тэр шөнө би тархиа хага цохиулж бага хүү мөрөө булгалуулж, айлынхан цагдаа дуудсанаар бид амь бүтэн үлдсэн. Цагдаа нар хаалга эвдэн орж ирэх хүртэл би “Ингээд энэ хүний гарт үхдэг байжээ” л гэж бодсон. Хорооны цагдаагийн хэсэг дээр намайг чиний дэргэд Гомдолтой” гэж хэлэхэд ч “Муу новш” гээд над руу гар далайгаад гавлуулсан. Чамайг 30 хоногоор баривчлагдан одоход би шүд зуугаад “Эргэхгүй дээ” гэж бодсон ч тэсээгүй. Халуун савтай хоол цай бариад “Дэнжийн 1000” – ийн автобусанд нэг л мэдэхэд суусан даа. Халуун шөл оочлон “Хөгшин нь одоо л ухаарч байна. Чамайгаа яаж алчихаагүй юм. Нүүрийг чинь харахад ч халуун байна. Эндээс гараад л та гурвынхаа төлөө энэ хоёр гараараа зүтгэнэ дээ” хэмээн ярьж суухад чинь би итгэхгүй байж бас л чадаагүй ээ. Итгэл найдвар үргэлж сэтгэлд гал асаадаггүй юм бол амьдрал тагхаранхуй байх сан болов уу? Итгэл найдвар л хүнд хэцүүг даваххүч чадал хайрладаг юм билээ. Үнэхээр чи тэндээс гараад архины эмчилгээ хийлгэж, зургаан cap ёстой хүн шиг байж билээ. Тэр зургаахан cap, ердөө 180 хоног бидний амьдралын гэрэл гэгээтэй сүүлчийн өдрүүд байсан. Богинохон ч гэсэн аз жаргалтай 180 хоног байсаан. Тэр 180 хоногт чамд гомдсон тэр их гомдлоо би мартаж чадсан л юм даа. Гэтэл… нэг л өдөр… Хэлтсийн тайлангийн хурлаас гараад иртэл “Баясаа ах уучихсан явна гэнэ” хэмээн сайн танил маань утсаар хэлэхэд газар дэлхий дайвалзаад л явчихсан. Миний богинохон аз жаргалд цэг тавьсан тэр сураг Баясгалан гэж хүн эгнэгт дуусчээ гэсэн гашуун үнэнтэй намайг эвлэрүүлсэн юм. Тэр өдөр, тэрхэн мөчид бид хоёрын 9 жилийн амьдрал нүдний өмнүүр сүүдэр зураг шиг жирэлзээд л өнгөрч билээ. Москвагийн бороотой намар оюутны байранд анх бие биенээ харсан тэр өдрийн тэр мөч.. 10 дугаар сарын 3-ны өдөр байсан.. Калининий ергөн чөлөөгөөр хөтлөлцөн алхаж, Гум, Цум- аар хамтдаа хэсэн сүүлчийн копейкоо гөвөн гэрийнхэндээ бэлэг цуглуулж явсан оюутны гэгээн өдрүүд. Нэгдүгээр төрөхийн цонхоор анхны хүүгээ харж баярлан дэвхцэж, “Би аав боллоо” хэмээн хашгирч зогссон аз жаргалтай дүр чинь, зуслангийн автобусанд хүүгээ тэврээд хоёулаа инээлдэж явсан цэл залуу нас.Ажлаа тарчихаад хүүгээ хажуу айлын хөгшинд орхиод “Ялалт” кино театрт гараа атгалцан шивнэлдэн суусан сайхнаас сайхан мөчүүд…Хоёр хүүгээ хөтлөөд Шадивлангийн ойд гүзээлзгэнэ түүж явсан зуны тэр гэрэлт өдрүүд. Малгайгаа дүүртэл гүзээлзгэнэ түүчихээд миний ам руу атга, атгаар нь хийж байсан чиний хайр гэрэлтсэн нүд.. Бүгд жирэлзээд л өнгөрсөн.Тэгэхэд л архинаас чамайг аварч чадалгүй хүчин мөхөсдсөнөө, ямар ч горьдлого найдлага үлдээгүйг ойлгосон юм. Авъяаслаг, царайлаг, авто замын инженер залуу Баясаа архинд живэн одсоныг тэр мөчид би ойлгосон. Нөхрөе би архинаас аварч чадсангүй. Дахиад 2 сарын дараа архины гүн хордлогын шокоор айлд нас барсныг чинь сонсоод би тэр өдрийнх шиг цочирдон гашуудаагүй юм даа. Би чамайгаа, амраг ханиа аль хэдийн алдчихсан байснаа мэдэрсэн.Би чамайг тэр өдөр сэтгэлдээ оршуулчихсан байсан. Нарангийн энгэрт торойн хоцорсон шарилд чинь атга шороо тавихдаа дараагийн төрөлд нь архигүй амьдрал угтаасай хэмээн би сэтгэлдээ ерөөж байсан шүү. Баясаа минь.

Зохиолч-Б.Шүүдэрцэцэг


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